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“Having your first child, I think, is the single most life-changing event one will experience,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Brittany Salling. Parents who previously were responsible for only themselves undergo a dramatic lifestyle switch and become around-the-clock caregivers to little human beings.

“In the beginning, they need help sleeping, eating, burping, and changing. Suddenly, there is a new member in the family who is completely reliant on you, thus requiring a lot of time, patience, and finances in addition to what you were already doing before. As a result, the time that was previously reserved for you, your partner, your friends, and sleep drastically changed. This can be an extremely difficult transition,” she explains.

Salling mentions that not having family close by can make the shift to parenthood even more difficult. “If new parents, or any parents, have family or a community of friends in their area, I encourage them to ask for help when needed as well as time for connecting as a couple. 

If families do not have family nearby, I also encourage new families to find communities of support. Even if there are family and friends in the area to support the parents, I still recommend finding communities of other parents in the same life stages as you.”

Partners of birthing parents also should be extra attentive and supportive during this time, as they find the first three months especially challenging, still being in recovery from labor, and being the main food providers for the baby (if they choose to breastfeed).

“I always recommend the other partner take time off of work if it is offered. If the non-birthing partner has access to parent leave, ALWAYS use it! If they are unavailable, it can be helpful to maybe have family come visit during that time.”

She emphasizes that the focus should be on the birthing parent and helping them to recover, which allows them to transition into motherhood with as little stress as possible. “Making meals, taking care of the baby so mom can nap or shower, supporting mom through breastfeeding if they choose, and making sure their needs are met is so important. Doing things such as laundry, cleaning up the house, or taking care of the other children can help mom rest, relax, and recover. In short form, focus on taking care of mom and doing all the things that will help her recover and relax.”

In a whirlwind of parenting, it’s also important to check in with the significant others and not put too much pressure on themselves. “In the early days, I encourage parents to not focus on all the things that need to get done because that list will never be done but to work towards finding opportunities of connection. Cuddling in bed while streaming a good show can be good, ordering food from your favorite restaurant to enjoy at home can be a welcome treat, and making sure you are checking in with each other.”

She further reassures that after the early days, it can get easier to leave the house, even with the baby. “It might take some planning where before you could spur-of-the-moment hop in the car, but getting out of the house, even just for a walk around the block, can be a nice change of scenery. 

It is important that both parents feel comfortable being alone with the baby as well to allow parents to have some time alone or with friends without the baby when needed. At the end of the day, babies are portable as well, and although it might not always go to plan, you can still experience many of the joys of life with a baby in tow.”